The Art of Influence: You thought I meant what?
“I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Robert McCloskey
How often are you making assumptions about the world around you? You probably aren’t even aware that you make decisions or conclusions based on your perspectives, biases, and filters. Think about something that comes naturally to you or something you have always been able to do without thinking. It could be art, dancing, putting your head to your knees, or just looking at a room and rearranging everything. It might shock you that someone else can’t do or doesn’t do what you can do without thinking. The same is true for your senses. Take cilantro or coffee; some people love them, and others find them unbearable. No matter which side you are on, it’s hard to imagine that someone could not feel the same way you do about them. And what is even more curious is that there’s a genetic component to our taste buds. Whether this is the first time you’ve heard or knew it before, Imagine the implications if you were judging others based on their position on cilantro or coffee. How are your assumptions/beliefs/perspectives coloring your understanding of others?
The Implications Of Assumptions
While many of these assumptions happen subconsciously, we often expect others to see or respond to the world as we do. This myopic perspective can lead to conflict when their reactions are not what we expected, significantly impacting our relationships and leading to misunderstandings and rifts. When we make assumptions based on our take on the facts, beliefs, understanding, or perspective about why someone may behave in a particular manner, we risk misunderstanding their intentions or motivations. This can lead to miscommunication, hurt feelings, and strained relationships. It’s important to remember that each person’s understanding of a situation is shaped by their unique experiences and circumstances and angle of perspective.
The Science Behind Cognitive Bias
Cognitive biases often influence our assumptions, which are systematic thinking errors that affect our decisions and judgments. Unconscious bias, a type of cognitive bias, occurs when we have attitudes toward people or associate stereotypes with them without our conscious knowledge. These biases can further cloud our judgment and lead to faulty assumptions.
Pragya Agarwal, a behavioral and data scientist, defines unconscious bias as a type of cognitive bias that occurs when we have attitudes towards people or associate stereotypes with them without our conscious knowledge.” Bias is the brain’s process for managing the massive inputs it receives every second.
Six Seconds, the emotional intelligence network notes, “Our brains are constantly filtering information, and we tend to notice things that match the way we’re already feeling.” This means that our current emotional state can influence the information we pay attention to and the assumptions we make.”
Overcoming Assumptions And Biases
Overcoming our assumptions and biases requires conscious effort and practice. Here are some strategies that can help:
1. Curiosity: Instead of making assumptions, try to understand what might be going on for the other person. Ask questions and show genuine interest in their perspective.
2. Recognize Different Perspectives: Understand that we might see things from different angles. Just like how a cylinder can look like a circle or a rectangle, depending on the viewpoint, our perspectives can vary based on our unique experiences and information.
3. Assume Best Intentions: Instead of jumping to negative conclusions, try to assume that the other person has the best intentions before concluding any malevolency. This can prevent unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings.
4. Step Out of Your Own Experience: Try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view. This can help you understand their actions and reactions better.
5. Seek Out Other Perspectives: Reach out to people who can provide a different perspective and challenge your perspective of the situation.
6. Opinion, Belief, or Fact?: We often assume we are working with facts, but that may not be true. Check if your opinions are facts. Just because you believe something to be true doesn’t make it so.
7. Recognize Personal Biases and Cognitive Filters: Knowing our brains will automatically try to create shortcuts and assumptions based on our prior experiences to make decisions more quickly and process information. Take a moment to consider if we are responding from a bias or filter. Question why you “know” something.
8. Embrace Open-mindedness and A Learning Mindset: Be open to learning new understandings and explore other ideas by reading and spending time with people with different viewpoints and experiences.
9. Acknowledge Cultural Differences: Recognize that someone’s cultural background, nationality, religion, race, gender, language, or any other diversity may influence how they see the world and express or own their perspective.
In conclusion, while it’s natural for us to make assumptions and have biases, being aware of them and actively working to overcome them can lead to healthier and more understanding relationships. The key is to approach each situation with self-awareness and acknowledge that you and they come to every conversation with different approaches and beliefs. Try employing some of the suggestions above to break through your barriers and to help prevent dissonance or disagreement. Print out the infographic to have these solutions right at your hand.